I’m back, and with a new story to tell…

So it’s been a while. A long while, actually. Sorry for being out of the loop, but I do have a good story to share about my absence from the blogosphere.

Around November of last year we moved across the Atlantic Ocean over to Qom. Yup, that’s Qom, Iran. My husband has joined the religious seminary (or Howza, as it is called) and we have now made a home in the IRI.

It has been an interesting adjustment, to say the least. Learning a new language, a new culture, and getting used to being far from family – which is never easy.

Currently I am back in the states visiting family, but these past few months have given me a new perspective on life. Iranian culture, although a little different from my own, is quite welcoming. Our neighbors are amazing and very hospitable, and even the locals I meet always have a smile. Naturally you run into those who are more busy trying to find a way onto the road than take a look and see if they’ve run over someone’s toes, or those who don’t bother to take a second look after they’ve shoved you in a busy market, but hey, you have to look at the bright side.

The biggest benefit of living in Qom is the incorporation of religion in everyday life. FZ loves her new school. She loves learning the Qur’an, and her school is very organized. When you go to the water fill-up stations (because regular water is salty, not sweet, so you have to get water that is suitable for drinking and cooking separately), the screen of the station says “As salamo alaika Ya Aba Abdillah Hussain.” (For my non-Muslim friends, this is a reference to Prophet Mohammad’s grandson who was killed in a battle while thirsty after being denied water by the enemy forces.)

And it’s not as “evil” as we see on TV. In fact it is easier for women to live and function than it is in Saudi Arabia. Couples walk the streets holding hands, women drive freely, wear what they want (although bodies and heads must be covered) and they work everywhere. Yet Iran is a “threat” and Saudi Arabia is a “friend.”

This is not a permanent move, but I think given the state of the culture in the U.S. I am happy my daughters can spend some time growing without caring if they have the latest toy. I feel safe sending them to school and they enjoy life playing with the neighbor kids. They eat fresh, healthy fruits and vegetables and are not bombarded by sugary cereals or candies.

All in all it has been a good adjustment for our family and although I miss my family dearly, I know this is better for my children. In the end, that’s all that matters to me.

Go ahead, moms don’t judge

For the past 24-48 hours I have been wiping down a runny nose. M won’t nap because once she falls asleep she can’t breathe. She is clingy and awful to deal with. So for lunch I stole fish sticks off my kid’s plate.

Don’t judge. The fish sticks for lunch, or the fact that I stole them.

Being a mom means you belong to an interesting club. Labor stories are shared like war stories. Weird issues, like poop color, don’t phase you. And, there is NOTHING that surprises you.

With that being said, moms are also, unfortunately, known to be sometimes exclusive of who they interact with and quite judgmental.

“You DON’T breastfeed? How terrible for your child!”

“Cloth diapers is THE way to go.”

“Wow, what an UNDISCIPLINED child.”

I try not to judge. Hey, I am a mom after all. I know what it’s like to survive a sleepless night and still have to put my best foot forward in the morning. I know what it means to work and pump. I have sleep trained, and taken part in every kind of weaning you can think of.

But I am human. And I know raising kids is hard. If you are trying, then that is what matters. Why do some moms, old and young, forget how it is to be a mom?

New branches on the family tree

I am finally an aunt! My brother and sister-in-law welcomed their first child this week, a sweet little boy we’ll call HZ.

I am psyched to be an aunt and FZ is excited about her new baby cousin. For the past 4 years, my girls have been the only kids in the family, and now we have a new kid joining the ranks of the spoiled.

It is such a beautiful thing watching your family grow and seeing your siblings take on new roles, like becoming parents. Having a kid changes everything, but it changes everything for the better.

I can’t wait to enjoy a child and then hand him off to Mom for a feeding/diaper change – it’s been way too long!

Pre-k update: Being late in the car rider lane, faking illnesses, and missing my kid

Being a product of public school, I thought I would be a pro when it came to FZ starting school. But I was wrong. With the first week of pre-K down, I have learned new things on a whole new level.

First: Never be late when picking up your kid. I always rode the bus, and so did my siblings, so I never got a taste for a) waiting for my Mom or, b) waiting in my car. FZ is in the PM shift, so they let out the pre-K kids 15 minutes earlier than the K-5 kids. However, if you come late, you have to wait in line with the rest of the world. So, lucky for me I was only a minute late and they forgave me, since it was still the first week. But when I drove up, I saw FZ sitting by her lonesome on the floor. And I felt AWFUL. Lesson learned.

Second: Kids’ stomachs will hurt “every morning” but it’s just anxiety. After the first three days, FZ came down with a bout of “not feeling well.” I took it seriously, until I realized everything else was normal and it was just separation anxiety. (I thought we already passed that when she was 6 months old?!) I even made chicken soup so she would feel better. And surprisingly, she did feel better.

Third: No matter how much our kids make us wish we were sucked into another dimension, they are a part of us and we miss them when they are not with us. Watching my little girl take those first steps into a new place all by herself, made my heart ache. And I think I was more excited to see FZ at pick-up time than she was to see me.

It’s true what they say about parents always learning. It’s because our kids are always growing. Once you take that step into parenthood, there really is no going back. Even when your kids will have kids of their own, your lives are intwined. Forever. (For some reason I want to insert an evil cackle here.)

But it is a beautiful feeling isn’t it? Watching a product of your upbringing emerge from their safe cocoon and turn into a lively, independent butterfly, ready to take on the world.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Pre-K: Ready or not, here we come

Monday is the first day of school. FZ will be an official school-goer.

I am not sure how I will fare. Will I dance in the streets with glee? Or be really depressed that my little girl is not-so-little anymore and taking on the world?

She’s been going to a school skills drop-off class for a couple of months now which got her (and me) used to the whole “dropping off” concept. But that was only a once a week class. Now she will be going every day.

Yesterday we went school supply shopping, which FZ really enjoyed. And it sent me back years to when I was a kid and going school supply shopping. I miss those days.

Parenting sends us mixed signals. We get sick of hearing our kids whine and fight. Then when we get a moment of peace, we can’t stand it.

My dear FZ, it has been a pleasure watching you grow into an independent and intelligent young girl. Here’s to the first of many, many more milestones to come. I won’t be with you always, but I pray God keep you in His Protection and be with you every step of the way.

These days I am a SAHFM

Sure it takes a few days to get used to the routine, but after a good week, fasting seems like second nature.

The hardest part for me these past Ramadans has been the sleep deprivation associated with being a fasting mom.

And add to that the fact that I am a SAHM, so the all-day-stand-at-attention position does not do well to my already tested patience.

While it takes a lot of energy to run around the little ones, at least you aren’t sitting around bored waiting for the sunset. Time really does fly when you have kids driving you nuts.

It’s interesting to see how our life challenges change as we get older. Whereas before during Ramadan I had to really work on discipline, I now find myself working on patience. And I love my kids, but they don’t help.

And as the day draws to an end, it is nice to sit down with other moms at iftaar (fast breaking dinner) and see how they fare during the fasting days. Our chats don’t last too long – we are almost always interrupted by our dear children, but at least this time we have some energy!

Chain reaction

I found myself extremely tired last night and when I finally put my head down, I was awoken by a toddler with a stuffy nose. That wasn’t too bad.

However it was followed by an annoying housefly who found our nightlight. And then again the toddler with a stuffy nose.

After getting both taken care of, I tried again. But alas this was to be a special night.

FZ starts crying. At first I thought maybe she was just in mid-sleep and had a bad dream or something. I go to her and see her blanket is soaked.

Are you kidding me? Her first bedwetting accident in about a year.

When I finally laid back to sleep, I just rolled over and took a deep breath.

Dear God, please help me be patient.

 

Family photo session goes kaput

It can be so frustrating seeing your child just up and refuse to take part in something for no good reason at all.

And here you are totally helpless. You can’t force them to do anything. All you can do is try and be patient. And bribe.

Just recently FZ became anti-camera. Place a camera in front of her and she will cover both eyes and refuse to be ‘shot.’

I didn’t mind it so much until we planned our family portraits. And this was FZ’s decision that we all take new photos as a family to include Mayyo since all the photos we have at home were mostly of FZ.

So since FZ seemed OK with taking new photos, I booked a session, planned the girls’ outfits and set the session at a time when the girls would be less cranky.

I covered all my bases. We were good to go – or so I thought.

Come family portrait day and FZ doesn’t want to even change her clothes. Then we go to the studio and all hell breaks loose. FZ is adamant – “No photos.” We coax her and offer her bribes of her favorite lollipop.

Nothing.

All we end up with is a few photos that are frame-worthy, a TON of photos of a really unhappy 4-year-old and one unhappy mom.

My first degree in child rearing

Come this June 30, I will  have completed 4 years of child rearing. Not sure what kind of degree it means I have, but I am sure it is a culmination of a BS, BA and BM degree.

I look back and am grateful that the University of God accepted my application and allowed me to partake in the studies of child rearing. Even though at times I felt like quitting, little things like a hug, kiss and a sweet smile always pushed me back on track.

And after I got through with the sleepless nights, and had to deal with weaning of many kinds, seeing my child become independent made it easier to keep chugging.

Although this degree does not make me an expert, I have some pride in my experience – FZ and Mayyo. They are thriving, smart and happy girls. And I am blessed that I have a had a great support system helping me make sure I raise my girls in the best way possible.

Thanks to all the books and articles I have read, I am well versed in the subjects of pregnancy and labor/delivery, c-sections, VBACs, breastfeeding, sleep training and potty training.

That said, I am ready for the next degree, no matter how long it takes. You know as they say, a parent never stops learning.

Parenting means sometimes staying out of the way

I was a “don’t do this, don’t do that” kind of parent when I had FZ.

You know the type – always apologizing, always moving the kid out of the way, always meddling.

Then one day while at FZ’s class at Gymboree I got some advice from a fellow parent. Our kids were playing tug-of-war with the same toy and I was telling FZ to share, be nice, etc. etc.

The girl’s father tells me, “You know what, it’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Let them work it out on their own.”

So I did. I stepped back. And sure enough the girls moved on.

As parents, and especially first-time parents, we always sweat the small stuff. What we don’t tend to realize is that our kids feed on our frustration and become agitated or uptight. Kids of relaxed parents are more well-behaved and easygoing.

Now with Mayyo I only step in if she is about to eat something bad, hurt someone, or get in a dangerous situation.

Letting go allows our kids to have more confidence. They learn to deal with the world; they learn to fail and succeed. It’s not easy, but by standing close we let them know we are watching, while you take the first steps on your own.

By standing over them all we tell our kids is just watch while we do it for you. And I don’t know about you, but I would rather have a thriving, independent child than a clinger.