I felt like a horrible mommy yesterday. I totally messed up my kids’ routines and in the end FZ refused to fall asleep during bedtime.
She wanted to snuggle with me and I was just agitated at why she wasn’t going down like she was “supposed to.”
But mostly I was irritated with myself. When she was tired and ready to go down, I didn’t pay heed to her signals. I was working on my laptop.
I didn’t want to admit that I was at fault, though. No, that’s just right.
In the end I was mad at my husband. For not realizing that I was doing it all by myself while he was at work. He should’ve helped me out.
I was mad at FZ. Why can’t she just go to sleep?
I was mad at Mayyo. For getting up while I was still irritated.
Oh man…. this parenting thing – does it ever get easier?
Lucky for me, my dear husband walked into the kids’ room where I just sat thinking about how upset I was, and he told me to go. And I did.
I walked into the dark den, sat with a bowl of double fudge brownie ice cream and surfed the Web.
My kids are my life. I love them and I love being with them. But when I get upset with them, why does it bother me that much more? Why doesn’t my love for them simmer down that anger?
Maybe it’s because I know I caused it. And because I know my kids are from me. I should’ve done better, especially since I know better. I know those sleep signals. Why didn’t I listen??
We’re moms, and moms who do it all. We’re allowed moments to release anger. But it’s nothing that can’t be diffused with the sweet sleepy face of a child.