Don’t take a break from your kids

I’m not going to deny it. Some days being a parent can feel like someone drilling a jackhammer into your skull. With no off switch.

But it is some days. There are those nice moments, too.

Often you won’t get a break from your kids. And, I say this with a big sigh, you really shouldn’t want one.

I don’t mean one of those 10-30 minute “me time” breaks. We all need those. And by need, I mean like a how fish needs water.

When I say break, I mean turning off the “parent” switch and being “you” again. Once you are a parent, and blessed with a little one, you are always a parent. You can switch gears, change the topic, enjoy a new hobby, but you will always be Mom. Or Dad. Or Mama. Or Baba. (Fill in with your name of choosing).

Should one really want to turn off the “parent” switch? Some might argue, but I was “me” first. I should be able to enjoy those simple things and hobbies without a diaper falling out of my purse or finding play-doh in my shoe.

Yes, I see your point. But once you had a child, this new duty fell into your lap and to embrace it with dignity is your responsibility. To complain and run from it, is really quite immature.

I know that for my kids I am the person (along with their father, of course) responsible for turning them into healthy, well adjusted adults. Do you really want to throw that away?

I see some parents who have to work and when they finally come home, they want nothing to do with their children. In essence they want a “break.” That’s fair enough.

But what about your kids? Isn’t it fair for them to want their mom or dad to play with them? To love them? To snuggle with them? To be there for them?

Instead of taking a break from our kids we need to start considering children our priority and putting our hobbies/work/leisure activities on break.

When tired moms and dads come home from work, each should give the other a 5-10 minute space to regroup before resuming parental duties. There should not be a “blame game” or “who worked the most hardest today?” competition.

These kids are ours and a gift from God. Today they are 2, tomorrow they will be 12 – do you really want to think back to their toddler years and only remember how you stuffed food down their throats so you could send them to bed so they could wake up early for daycare?

It might seem like you have no options, but there is almost always an option. It might take some sacrificing on your end, but there is always an option. It takes some real meditation and prayer but more than anything, it takes honesty. Be honest with yourself/your spouse and your family.

Yes, we have been ignoring each other. We have been ignoring the kids. We have been ignoring our home. To build a successful society we need to realize that our future generations are here ready to be groomed. Where are we? Why are we lost behind making money and making appearances?

The children we have are in the here and now. What they will become is how we raised them while they were young. How much attention we gave them, how much love we showed them, how much time we spent with them. I know I have been guilty of not slowing down for my children, but I realize now that if I don’t make it a priority, I will lose this time in an instant and regret it for the rest of my life.

Please take a moment and really think – what matters to me? What would I do if it was all gone?

Nothing beats Nano

Mothers are such a blessing. You never really think about it growing up, and you certainly don’t think about it when you are busy in your life. It’s sad, really, how sometimes we only think about our parents and how they raised us, when we become parents, or when we, unfortunately, lose them.

Through God’s mercy and love, my mom was recently able to come and visit me. We are really enjoying her company, and my kids, of course, are over the moon. My eldest, especially, is quite close to her Nano. While I worked (full time, and then part time) during the first two years of FZ’s life, my mom was the one who took care of her.

Once I moved away from home, away from the constant pop-ins, and caretaking… it really hit me how much my parents bring so many blessings into my life and home.

Where something simple as a “dropping by to see how you are” can be (at one time) taken as: “Again? I am really busy,” to “I really, really wish I could see my mom and dad. I miss them.”

I can safely say that moving away was the wake-up call I needed to appreciate my¬†wonderful parents. Now I don’t take anything for granted. Every minute I can speak to them or see them (thank you FaceTime), I cherish it. I really, really miss those pop-ins and casual evenings.

Now that my mom is here, though, even my kids know Nano means business. She only has to say something once. And I am learning so much more about how to be a good mom. How to approach this issue differently with this kid, because she’s more sensitive. How to organize this part of my life so I am not so burdened. Plus, she takes them out on walks. My mom is the bomb.

Dear Allah, you are so truly merciful for giving me another chance to serve my mother, learn from her, and to have her presence in my home and with my kids. I cannot thank you enough for this opportunity. But I am so grateful.

Just a small bit of advice: Please, please don’t ignore your parents’ presence. If they are near you, you are blessed. Look at them with kindness, and you will be reap the benefits. Treat them with gentleness, and you will be rewarded. Sure, parents get old, it gets hard, but tuck a small reminder in the back of your mind of those days when you were just a small, ball of flesh and bones, and your parents did everything so you could live. Just think about their lives; they aren’t getting younger. Try to help them, ease their problems. You won’t regret it.¬†