To my last baby…

My dear daughter Asiya,

Today as I saw you taking your first steps, and running toward independence, I felt my heart break a little.

Your firsts – foods, teeth, steps – also are my lasts. The last time I’ll experience these “firsts.”

You are my last “baby.” I’ve had four. And each time I considered them a baby, until the newest baby came along and bumped them up the sibling pole.

Now, I spend mornings alone with you and wonder how fast these days will fly by. Now you will forever be my baby. Will I spoil you more? Will I cuddle you more? Will I cry more when you leave for kindergarten?

It’s a beautiful, bittersweet thing becoming a parent. One of those blessings that take your breath away while also sometimes leaving you with a feeling of wanting to escape.

A parent, in my opinion, is often left just questioning their instincts and decisions. That’s not all bad, I guess. A good parent thinks, revises and contemplates. A good parent tries and doesn’t just give in. A good parent is strict, yet loving. Firm, yet kind. Consistent, yet generous.

And a good parent never stops parenting. Now that my littles are getting bigger, I sometimes feel like throwing in the towel. But these four lovely, wonderful beings given to me by the Almighty are gifts I cannot waste.

So that means even when the going gets tough, when the fights are making my blood boil, when the constant whining and nagging are like a pick in my ear… I will rise.

I will remind myself that these days are numbered. These years will fly by. And before I know it, God willing, these little beings will outgrow my hugs and grips, and become the newest members of society.

So, my dear child, you are now my baby. The last little one I will raise to leave my nest. When I witness your milestones, I am ever grateful that God allowed me to live to see these beautiful moments.

I pray, through God’s Mercy, you and your siblings grow to become productive and kind human beings, who will always do what makes God happy.

Fly, my little one. Even as you leave my grasp, or from my constant supervision, you will never leave my heart.

Love always,

Mama